Board Thread:Questions and Answers/@comment-32134872-20170528154846/@comment-26821421-20170528165404

Ah, I see! Well, so far, it's looking pretty okay.

However, there are a few things wrong with it, most of which are merely suggestions, rather than actual things that break the rules

But, to start with the one thing that DOES break the rules. It's a tad too short. Only 5 sentences, really, should be simple enough. And trust me, you'll have enough time. There's the one-hour grace period given to new pages, if you add on a Work In Progress tag (Which I suggest you do), you'll be given seven days until it is marked, and even still, you'll have 30 full days to fix the issue. You should be able to come up with 5 sentences within 37 days.

Now, to the things that are simply suggestions!

To start, I would suggest formatting the page. Adding headers quickly showing what will be presented underneath said headers (Ie description, personality, backstory). Along with this, since there seems to be a lack of physical description, this could also really help with the 5 sentences. Use this to fill up said 5 sentences. One for body shape, one for appearal, one for eye/hair details, etcetera.

Secondly, if you're going to add in child abuse into the mix, please try to add in a 'trigger' warning. These are serious things some people go through, so just adding that might help those who are dealing with this, or anyone who may have someone who is dealing with this, avoid getting upset.

Third, explain how exactly she knew about the monsters in the Underground. I like your take on it, how she jumped down willingly to try and help the monsters, but what isn't explained is how she knew the monsters were there in the first place. It states she's 16 years old, yet within Undertale it is implied that the monsters were sealed away a long time ago (Considering that no one within the game actually considers you to be an actual human, but rather aren't disturbed by your appearance, showing that they don't know what humans looked like. In fact, the only people who know what humans look like are those who were present during the war, or where it would have at least made sense for their bodies to be able to survive for so long, like skeletons (Sans and Papyrus), or Boss Monsters, who live for large periods of time (Asgore and Toriel), or monsters who would have been given a physical description of a human (Undyne, Alphys, and Mettaton.)) I don't think this would be too hard to implement, as it's completely possible that human literature could've still contained historic events about the war. And again, this can ALL go to helping out with the 5 sentences, possibly passing the limit.