Thread:Dove of Death/@comment-29938844-20160911153827/@comment-26426764-20160911180317

Howdy!

I've just read over your page, and I think it has a few problems. There's nothing wrong with that, though, with a bit of effort you could transform it from something bad into something great, let me give you a few pointers!

First up, you made this OC just for one AU, Mafiatale. That isn't really a good idea, as it stops you from roleplaying in any other setting. I'd suggest changing him from a Mafiatale OC into an Undertale OC, who you can put into whatever AU you wish!

Second, let's look at your opening paragraph: It doesn't really do much for the page. So, if I were you, I'd change it to something describing the character instead of having it being out of character completely. Personally, I have the opening paragraph describe my character a tad, and go into detail in the other sections like personality, appearance, etc.

Next, I'd seperate the "Description of the Lord" section into three smaller ones: Appearance, Personality and History. Not only does this make things a little more orderly, using "The Lord" seems a bit cocky, don't you think? Anyway, I'm assuming he's a Human (If he isn't, put whatever species he actually is on the page), but the unnatural hair throws me off slightly. (btw, human ocs are now banned for whatever reason so I'd suggest making him a Monster or something)

Personality should be simple, that's how he acts, and History should be easy too, which is his backstory. Now, you'll probably have to change it a bit so he actually fits into Undertale rather than just Mafiatale, but I'm sure you can do it!

Now, those relations to Chara and Asriel? Get rid of 'em. Canon relations aren't allowed on this Wiki, either. That being said, you can have relations to other OCs no problem, as long as the OC creator allows you to do so. I'd leave all those sections (Family, friends, enemies) blank for now until you've used him in some roleplays, maybe in the future you'll make a brother for him or something!

The stats are too high, man. Even if he's really strong, the stats have gotta be low. 10 is the limit (I think?). Make it balanced, too, don't give him 10 attack and defense without good reason. Maybe 10 attack and 3 defense, or something to balance it out, you know?

I'm not that good at Encounter text, so I can't really help you there, sorry. But the quotes are fine, I guess.

That's all the help I can really give right now. If you still need some assistance, I can help with whatever! Happy OC making!